给自己的承诺... The Promises

“我要比你过得更好更幸福更成功更快乐，
活得更灿烂更有价值更被众人疼爱着珍惜着。”

"I swear to live a better life than you do, that I would
be happier, be more successful and meaningful,
and loved and treasured by everybody else"

定下所有所有的目标，为自己设下一个又一个的期限，努力地在极短的时间内达至我所追求的全部。因为知道自己实在缺少太多的实战经验，学历又太杂了些，好像什么都会却什么都并非能真正掌握好，无论做些什么充其量都只会是个半吊子... 真可悲，倘若我要的只是在社会的夹缝里生活而已那这一身大杂烩倒也真的是足以应付；可真正认识我的人都知道我根本不想一辈子都只能那么地晕浑虚度...

Set and planned all kind of targets and listed down all the deadlines for nobody else but me myself, just to try as hard as I could to achieve what I aimed after in the shortest possible time... All the while I realized about the lack of useful and powerful experiences, that I really got such a complicated and messy education background, ended up to seem to know everything but not to master any single one of them, that I can get to no where but a half-baked if this goes on... How pathetic... my so-called "abilities" should be still quite OK to barely survive in this ugly and beautiful world; but well, I guess those who really get me should be more than just clear that I would never ever want to just waste my life in such an ordinary way...

很多时候所谓的山盟海誓都只是可笑的梦幻泡影，只有自己不计劳苦亲手挣来的才真正属于自己，才真正永远不会背叛自己... 学艺不精？对世界了解得不够？人心的复杂不见得全都体验过？那好，把每一天都当作是生命的终点，将自身化为海棉，尽己所能地搜查更多涉猎更多吸收更多体会更多，再将之化为自身本钱的一份子；就算失手了受伤了跌倒了，我也要凭着自己的本事在原点爬起来，继续大步迈前；即使这一生注定得走得跌跌撞撞伤痕累累，我也不悔，我是宁可一次又一次再浴火重生也不愿意虚度此生

Most of the time those so-called vows and promises were nothing but mere foolish sweet talks, only those you earned with your very own hands and hard works could be yours forever, and would never ever betray nor hurt you... Lacked of polished skills? Failed to know more about the world out there? Yet to feel and experience all the devilish shadows that dwell in others' hidden self? Easy ain't it, just to treat every single day as the very last one in your limited life, morph yourself into something that's willing to browse through and observe more about every single thing, and most importantly to transform and adapt it into something useful, something that could be an add-on to own values; even if I fall I would still climb up high and move forward, full of jazz once again from where I failed; even if I would face a tough and hard life ahead, I could just reborn again and again after all the deadly wounds and leave no regrets

可... 这样的我，已不想再相信别人... 这样的我，过得好累... 我，真的如挚友所说的太勉强自己了吗？

Still... I already kind of lost the will to trust others... I feel kind of tired, of everything... am I really pushing myself too much like what my buddies said about me?